My Boys

So, tonight’s one of those nights when I’m really missing my boys.

It’s hard to go from live-in Auntie status with lots of cuddles to rare (but cherished) cuddles.

I won’t lie…

The three months I spent helping out with them were probably the hardest of my life. Babies are hard, and that’s just a fact. But the moment I had to say goodbye to them was even harder.

Like infinitely harder.

I miss them every day, but some days are more difficult than others. Especially the ones when I fuel my sensitive emotions with pictures and memories...which really happens a lot.

My heart aches to be able to hold them when I wake up in the morning. Or to snuggle with them after their naps. Or to sing to them and slow dance with them. Or to capture every adorable moment of their lives on camera.

I love you, Peanut and Ducky. So much. You changed my heart forever.

Big heads are hard. The struggle is real.

Soooo sleepy.

Just chillin.

I. Am. FABULOUS!

Twins share everything.

Um...I don't want to get my feet wet.

Life is good.

And My Heart Melted

So, I was looking through some old photos on my phone this week. I look at my photos often enough that they don’t really seem all that old to me. Even though time keeps passing my brain always says, “Oh yeah! That was fun! That was just last semester. Next photo. Oh yeah! That was fun! That was just last semester….”

So I just go on with my life believing (and sort of hoping) that time just stands still. Then I noticed that some of the pictures I was looking at are already a year old…a year seriously just FLEW by.

What really surprised me was when I realized that it’s been just over a year now since I had this little bugger for a week while Mommy and Daddy were out of town.

It seems like it was seriously maybe just a month or two ago tops.

I remember it just like it was yesterday! How cliché, right?!

I swear, though. That week happened yesterday…and that week was one of the best of my life. Maybe it’s easier to say that because time has passed…? I mean, it was definitely hard.

Sometimes I just didn’t want to play with cars anymore.

Sometimes I just wanted to sit and play the piano without sporadic harmonies being added by his little fingers. Sometimes I didn’t want to wake up when he wanted to wake up. Sometimes I didn’t want to watch Up for the 8^th time or Planes for the 11^th time.

Sometimes I just got sick of the judging stares of people around town because all they saw was a 19 year old (that looks like a 16 year old) carrying around a 3 year old. I repeat…it was definitely hard.

But I got so much in return. I got so much in return. Because I worked through the rough moments, I got the good times too….

This little man gave me so much love.

For that week it didn’t matter if I was busy, because he was hungry and wanted s’ghettios.

It didn’t matter if I was at work, because he was sad and needed a hug.

It didn’t matter if I was ready to go to bed, because he was and he wanted me there. He wanted me there. And when he fell asleep with his arms around my neck, my heart melted.

I felt so much love.

I felt so much happiness.

I felt so lucky.

And I can’t believe that that’s what I get to look forward to in my future.

Light Bulb

So, have you ever had one of those experiences where out of nowhere the light bulb in your brain turns on and you’re just like…oh…oh yeah. That makes sense…tooootally shoulda caught on to that before now. Now, I’m not talking about one of those moments where you’re 20 years old and you have this epiphany where you finally catch on to the lyrics of a popular Christmas song that you’ve oh so conveniently managed to just mumble over every single time you’ve ever heard the song ever. Oh no….even more obvious than that.

Earlier this week I was getting into bed and had this crazy realization that I’m an adult. (Yeah, yeah…get the jokes out of your system now. I’ll wait. I may look and act like a child, but I totally rock it.) ANYWAYS…this realization hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. ...ME?! …An ADULT?! Like, one of those things that has to make decisions and sacrifices and do chores? When in the world did that happen? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was cuddling up in bed with my baby blankie and stuffed animals? …Okay, yeah. You caught me there…that really was yesterday. But my point still stands!

Since when did this no longer teenager get so old? Since when was I taken out of the world of Barbies and make-believe and planted into a world of work and worry and decisions? Since when did life have so many rules?

Now. Don’t get me wrong, here. I seriously have the best roommates and job and boss and coworkers ever that make the transition from childhood to adulthood pretty easy. But adding those things into my life shouldn’t have replaced other things in my life. I’ll give you an example.

A friend recently asked me if I ever dance crazy when no one’s watching. My mind flashed back to times in high school when I would dance and leap and spin all around our kitchen while I waited for cookies to bake, the microwave to beep, or my toast to pop. I’ve never had any sort of dance experience, so it was completely random, crazy, senseless, and hysterical. But after all of that my response was simply and unfortunately, “Not anymore.” …but why not? For the life of me I couldn’t answer that question. Why the heck not?! I mean, I came up with some reasonable excuses like, “I have roommates that already think I’m weird enough,” or “My downstairs neighbors will hate me,” but those aren’t exactly iron clad. My roommates already think I’m weird. What’s one more bit of proof gonna hurt? And about the downstairs neighbors? I could learn to leap lightly…=)

Alright, so what can we learn from all of this? Well, I guess you can really take what you want from it, but I know that it’s at least reminded me that being an adult isn’t about being serious. It isn’t about cutting out the fun. It isn’t about forgetting who you really are and who your heart really knows you are. Life is now, and it’ll go on whether you embrace it or not. So go ahead – dance in the kitchen with EVERYONE watching. Eat pizza for breakfast and cake for dinner. Let yourself be vulnerable, let yourself be wrong, and let yourself be SEEN! I’ll take a little of my own advice and unleash a totally awesome (embarrassing) picture from the archives for your viewing pleasure.

Brace yourself. For real…I mean it. Things are about to get cray.

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BAM!

Now that’s hot.

Life's Good

So let me start out by telling you a little story about a girl…for the sake of this tale, let’s just call her Maci. Once upon a time Princess Maci (Did I forget to mention she was a princess?.…I did? Welp, now ya know. Now get back to the story!) started a blog. She rarely wrote on her blog. The end.

Hey now…I never said it was going to be a good story. Sheesh!

Just gimme a little bit of time to redeem myself!

Let’s start over.

So there’s this girl named Maci. She’s going to college and taking 14 credits – not too bad. She has a tendency to be messy and sometimes you’ve gotta keep an eye on her because she can be a little clumsy. Maci procrastinates and she doubts herself sometimes. She stays up past her bedtime and she worries about little things. Really she’s a pretty typical, ordinary girl. BUT…she really is the daughter of a King. And recently He’s spent a lot of time making sure she knows it.

I was on my off-track semester during the winter. At first it was pretty great to get to stay home and not go to school, but it got kinda boring and lonely pretty fast. It felt weird to never be on campus, and I felt a little separated from everyone taking classes. Towards the end of the winter semester I was getting so excited to get to sign up for classes and get back into the swing of things! I needed to have a reason to leave my apartment and talk to people again. I needed to get out of my slump!

Then a week or two before the Spring semester, I started to get a little nervous and stressed out about getting my classes set up, but I was handling it pretty well. I didn’t have finals to worry about, so I was able to keep pretty calm. Then as a way to add just a little too much extra salt, I got called as a Relief Society President for my ward. At the age of 19. …and I stress about little things.

I switched pretty quickly from ‘dealing with it’ to ‘good heck I’m glad I get to go home for a week so I can try to get my mind off of things.’

That week break gave me exactly what I’d been needing for a long time. A mind reset.

On one day I got to go back to Soda to see teachers and friends for a day, and then I got to spend the night with my sister, Emma-Leigh.

That night while the two of us were just casually chatting with each other, I completely broke down in tears. I’d been feeling overwhelmed and bottling it up – which is never a smart idea. Do you know what happens when I bottle things up? ….things go boom.

Just like that.

So like I said before, it’s usually not a good outcome when I keep things to myself and then explode like that…but this time it was actually just what I needed. Emma-Leigh let me cuddle up with her on the couch, and then she just held me as I cried. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time that I completely let myself go for quite a while. That night I was left feeling pretty exhausted, but the next morning I felt invigorated. I can’t really put into words exactly what happened, but I was able to see things so much more clearly! I knew things would be OK, and I was right.

Within just the few short weeks since all of this happened, I’ve become so much happier and more positive. I’m more grateful than ever that I am the daughter of a Heavenly King. Yeah, sometimes the homework still piles up, or the little things frustrate me, or I feel pretty small.

BUT

Sometimes you visit your hometown and get welcomed back with open arms. Sometimes you get an unexpected call from a best friend just because she’s on her lunch break. And sometimes your professor remembers your name after only 2 days of class. Sometimes your college family makes you laugh until your sides ache.

Sometimes you get an unexpected scholarship, and sometimes you get to have some really great conversations with your coworkers. And sometimes your best friend/sister falls in love.

Sometimes the message in church is meant just for you. And sometimes you get the chance to visit with an old professor. And sometimes when you take a little step back, you realize you’re not alone.
Life’s good.

Oh, What Do You Do in the Wintertime?

So. Have you ever heard that primary song "Oh, What Do You Do in the Summertime?" If you're super dedicated you can go to this link to listen to it.

http://www.lds.org/music/library/childrens-songbook/oh-what-do-you-do-in-the-summertime?lang=eng

Trust me. . . I don't expect you to be that dedicated because I didn't listen to it either. I DID find a super funny (and slightly creepy) youtube video while I was looking for that link though. The song is playing lightly in the background and then a lady is talking in this calming voice and introducing you to her dolls to give you examples of what you can do in the summertime. . . ? I wasn't going to post the link to it, but it's not fair for me to keep this great find to myself! Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TTNOg1kCCU

ANYWAYS, my point here is that I have a song for you.

Oh, what do you do in the wintertime, when Maci is off-track? Do you stay up till 3, just watching TV then not wake up till noon? Is that what you do? So do I.

Alright, that's a little exaggerated. . . maybe. The point is, is that I've discovered this semester that I am a ROCKIN' couch potato. Like, people should probably start calling me Queen Couch Potato or something. Thank goodness I have awesome roommates that keep me sane and take me on walks in the fresh air every now and then.

And I don't even have pictures of all of them. . . because I guess I'm even too lazy to do THAT ;) But I'm not a total failure, because I've actually been doing pretty okay with my resolutions! 

*long distance air high five*

This helps a little. . .

We stare at our motivation wall (and Ryan Gosling stares back at us), and then we decide we should go to the gym. Here's the good part though. . . then we actually go! And as a reward to ourselves we always make sure that we're home in time to watch Ellen =)

I've been baking too! Just in the past few weeks I've made giant peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter bars, Almond Joy (. . . or really pecan joy) cookies, German Chocolate oreos (they had caramel cream cheese frosting. . . yeah, I know. Now wipe the drool off your face and keep reading.), vanilla oreos with cinnamon cream cheese frosting, and butter pecan oreos (to use up the extra frosting, of course). I mean, I wouldn't want any PHYSICAL evidence that I've been going to the gym. Don't worry, I always have lots of volunteers to help me eat everything.

I've spent a little more time reading too. Right now I'm reading Water for Elephants. . . I loved the movie, so the book's gotta be good. . . I hope. AND I finally buckled and bought myself a super cool cross-stitch. I was going to post a picture. . . but I haven't taken one yet. I'll just save it for next time because it'll give me an excuse to blog again! Woo!

Welp, there's your glimpse into my oh-so-glamorous life. Try not to be too jealous - I know that it's rough ;)

New Year's Resolutions

I've honestly never really been one for resolutions. I don't have anything against them, but let's face it - I'm just too lazy to put the thought into them! This year I thought...why not?! What do I have to lose? I'll set a few goals for myself. If I don't stick to them then I'm really no worse off than I've been in past years when I haven't set goals at all...right? That's what I'm telling myself, at least. So hold on tight, 'cause here we go!

Goal #1: Get my workout on!

Yeah, yeah...I know. The regular ol' stereotypical resolution. I figure I may as well aim high! I have free access to the gym on campus, it's within walking distance, and they even offer all sorts of free classes. I seriously have no excuse. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like this anymore!

Goal #2: make hobbies and talents a priority

Until this Christmas break, I hadn't really realized how much I've missed reading. I used to read all the time when I was growing up...and I loved it! I never lost my love for reading, but I never really gave myself the time to do it, either. ...how unfair is that?! I've decided it's healthy to give myself time for hobbies, so I'm gonna do just that gosh dang it! So that means singing more freely, reading more often, baking just because, playing the piano just to pass the time, writing to release my emotions, and painting my nails just because I like to! I guess I'll be adding blogging to that list now too!

All throughout the break Emmi and I read until we were tired, napped until we weren't, and then woke up and read some more =)

Goal #3: stay in contact with the people I love

Life moves fast...like super fast. In the blink of an eye my first semester of college was over. It was the same with high school. Every time I reach a milestone of one sort or another I get all anxious. I get attached to people easily, and I'm terrible with good-byes. They completely tear me apart. So I've decided that I just won't say good-bye anymore. I'll say see ya later, ta ta for now, in a while crocodile...but not good-bye...that's too final. It'll create more work for me - more emails and letter and phone calls, but it's a challenge I'm willing to accept!

This was one of my latest "See ya soon" moments...my roomie, Sarah, graduated and moved away, but she won't get rid of me that easily!

I've got a million other goals to set (and I'm sure I'll add more to this list before I'm done) but this is a start at least! Maybe typing them up and setting it in stone will make me actually feel more obligated to hold to them...*crosses fingers*...we've got a whole year to see how this one pans out, folks!