And My Heart Melted

So, I was looking through some old photos on my phone this week. I look at my photos often enough that they don’t really seem all that old to me. Even though time keeps passing my brain always says, “Oh yeah! That was fun! That was just last semester. Next photo. Oh yeah! That was fun! That was just last semester….”

So I just go on with my life believing (and sort of hoping) that time just stands still. Then I noticed that some of the pictures I was looking at are already a year old…a year seriously just FLEW by.

What really surprised me was when I realized that it’s been just over a year now since I had this little bugger for a week while Mommy and Daddy were out of town.

It seems like it was seriously maybe just a month or two ago tops.

I remember it just like it was yesterday! How cliché, right?!

I swear, though. That week happened yesterday…and that week was one of the best of my life. Maybe it’s easier to say that because time has passed…? I mean, it was definitely hard.

Sometimes I just didn’t want to play with cars anymore.

Sometimes I just wanted to sit and play the piano without sporadic harmonies being added by his little fingers. Sometimes I didn’t want to wake up when he wanted to wake up. Sometimes I didn’t want to watch Up for the 8^th time or Planes for the 11^th time.

Sometimes I just got sick of the judging stares of people around town because all they saw was a 19 year old (that looks like a 16 year old) carrying around a 3 year old. I repeat…it was definitely hard.

But I got so much in return. I got so much in return. Because I worked through the rough moments, I got the good times too….

This little man gave me so much love.

For that week it didn’t matter if I was busy, because he was hungry and wanted s’ghettios.

It didn’t matter if I was at work, because he was sad and needed a hug.

It didn’t matter if I was ready to go to bed, because he was and he wanted me there. He wanted me there. And when he fell asleep with his arms around my neck, my heart melted.

I felt so much love.

I felt so much happiness.

I felt so lucky.

And I can’t believe that that’s what I get to look forward to in my future.

Light Bulb

So, have you ever had one of those experiences where out of nowhere the light bulb in your brain turns on and you’re just like…oh…oh yeah. That makes sense…tooootally shoulda caught on to that before now. Now, I’m not talking about one of those moments where you’re 20 years old and you have this epiphany where you finally catch on to the lyrics of a popular Christmas song that you’ve oh so conveniently managed to just mumble over every single time you’ve ever heard the song ever. Oh no….even more obvious than that.

Earlier this week I was getting into bed and had this crazy realization that I’m an adult. (Yeah, yeah…get the jokes out of your system now. I’ll wait. I may look and act like a child, but I totally rock it.) ANYWAYS…this realization hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. ...ME?! …An ADULT?! Like, one of those things that has to make decisions and sacrifices and do chores? When in the world did that happen? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was cuddling up in bed with my baby blankie and stuffed animals? …Okay, yeah. You caught me there…that really was yesterday. But my point still stands!

Since when did this no longer teenager get so old? Since when was I taken out of the world of Barbies and make-believe and planted into a world of work and worry and decisions? Since when did life have so many rules?

Now. Don’t get me wrong, here. I seriously have the best roommates and job and boss and coworkers ever that make the transition from childhood to adulthood pretty easy. But adding those things into my life shouldn’t have replaced other things in my life. I’ll give you an example.

A friend recently asked me if I ever dance crazy when no one’s watching. My mind flashed back to times in high school when I would dance and leap and spin all around our kitchen while I waited for cookies to bake, the microwave to beep, or my toast to pop. I’ve never had any sort of dance experience, so it was completely random, crazy, senseless, and hysterical. But after all of that my response was simply and unfortunately, “Not anymore.” …but why not? For the life of me I couldn’t answer that question. Why the heck not?! I mean, I came up with some reasonable excuses like, “I have roommates that already think I’m weird enough,” or “My downstairs neighbors will hate me,” but those aren’t exactly iron clad. My roommates already think I’m weird. What’s one more bit of proof gonna hurt? And about the downstairs neighbors? I could learn to leap lightly…=)

Alright, so what can we learn from all of this? Well, I guess you can really take what you want from it, but I know that it’s at least reminded me that being an adult isn’t about being serious. It isn’t about cutting out the fun. It isn’t about forgetting who you really are and who your heart really knows you are. Life is now, and it’ll go on whether you embrace it or not. So go ahead – dance in the kitchen with EVERYONE watching. Eat pizza for breakfast and cake for dinner. Let yourself be vulnerable, let yourself be wrong, and let yourself be SEEN! I’ll take a little of my own advice and unleash a totally awesome (embarrassing) picture from the archives for your viewing pleasure.

Brace yourself. For real…I mean it. Things are about to get cray.

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BAM!

Now that’s hot.